


Late Night Confessions

by Anonymous



Category: Little Mix (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, F/F, Female Friendship, Friends With Benefits, I hate tags, Jesy joined for part 2, Movie Night, Oops, friendship jerrie, pesy - Freeform, pesy to jadesy, somehow pesy yet no jesy in this, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:48:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22123624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “How long?”Perrie stares at her freshly manicured nails as she tries to avoid Jade’s piercing stare. “Pez.”Perrie glances up. “I don’t know. A while.” Jade arches an eyebrow. “A few years, on and off.”“Years?” They only just celebrated their 5 year anniversary last month.Perrie closes her eyes and mumbles, “X-Factor.”
Relationships: Jesy Nelson/Jade Thirlwall, Perrie Edwards/Jesy Nelson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a first draft with a quick re-read and has not been edited so apologies for any spelling errors, inconsistent tenses, lack of description, etc. Also, I messed around with the relationship timelines so just go with it.

Jade grabs the remote and mutes her TV. She never expected a confession like that to come from movie night. She twists around on her couch to see if Perrie was serious. “How long?”

Perrie stares at her freshly manicured nails as she tries to avoid Jade’s piercing stare. “Pez.”

Perrie glances up. “I don’t know. A while.” Jade arches an eyebrow. “A few years, on and off.”

“Years?” They only just celebrated their 5 year anniversary last month.

Perrie closes her eyes and mumbles, “X-Factor.”

Jade finally breaks away. “Shite. How many times?” Perrie shrugs. Jade narrows her eyes. “5? 15?” Perrie picks at the throw pillow in her lap. “Wow. Okay, so a lot. This is a thing. You and Jesy are a thing.”

“We’re not though.” Jade gives her an incredulous look. “I know that sounds like a lie but it’s just...” Perrie doesn’t know how to explain any of it.

Jade takes pity on her and tries a different approach. “I didn’t know you liked girls,” she says gently.

“I didn’t know until I met Jesy.” Perrie tucks her legs under her and settles into the couch. They’ll be here awhile. “I mean I was young. I’d only ever dated boys and even that hadn’t gone very far. And then we got to X-Factor and Jesy was...” Perrie shrugs. “Jesy just had this confidence and charisma.” Jade nods. She noticed it too. They all did. It was why Jesy’s breakdown was so painful to watch. “I couldn’t keep my eyes off her and I was not smooth.” Perrie chuckles. “She noticed right away. And then we were alone one day in our room and she told me this story. Her first kiss with a girl. I thought she was trying to come out or something but when I asked she very clearly told me she was in love with Jordan.” Perrie glances down to the loose string she’s been slowly unraveling. “Then she asked me.”

When she pauses too long, Jade nudges her, “Asked you what?”

“If I liked girls. God, I was blushing so much my face felt sunburnt. I was so shy back then. So unsure of everything. And then there was this gorgeous girl that I couldn’t keep my eyes off with the prettiest eyes asking about my sexuality.”

“What’d you say?”

“That I liked boys. And she dropped it. I thought that would be it but a few weeks later after going through to the semifinals I found her crying.” Perrie gives Jade a pointed look and Jade sighs. The fucking trolls. “She didn’t want to talk about it and I just wanted to make her feel better and so I leaned over and kissed her.”

Jade gives a cheeky grin, “Everything you dreamed?”

Perrie swats her arm. “Oh, shut it.” Once they settle down Perrie whispers, “I liked it. I liked it a lot. And it was just a bit of kissing. What was the harm, you know?” Jade nods encouragingly. “But she was with Jordan, which you know was the harm, I guess. So we never talked about it. And then we won and I met Zayn and it just became a blurry memory, you know?”

“No lingering feelings?” Jade asks with a tinge of disbelief.

Perrie shakes her head. “I loved her the way I love you. I really thought that would be it. But Zayn and I, we did the open relationship thing.” Jade remembers. At the time it had been a completely foreign concept to both of them. Not South Shields approved at all. “And we were on tour and it was lonely and she was just dating around, nothing serious.”

The pieces are starting to fall into place. How no one ever found out. “Have you ever... with another girl?”

Perrie shrugs. “No one else- there wasn’t another girl that caught my eye like that, you know?”

“Just Jesy.”

Perrie nods. “Yeah. And she was so down back then. All I wanted was to make her smile, make her laugh.” Perrie wipes a stray tear away. “I never wanted her to ever try anything like that ever again. I wanted her to want to be here, you know?”

“We all did, babe.” Jade pets Perrie’s hair. They never talked about it really. Jesy’s suicide attempt. Not even between the three of them. It just sat there taunting them. Jesy never tried again but her depression stayed.

“So I decided that was my mission for tour, just make Jesy’s life a little better, easier, I don’t know. Just something other than darkness.”

Jade remembers sensing a shift in their dynamic back then. She felt Perrie pull away a little and it had scared her. They’d always been a team, the two girls from South Shields living their dream and keeping each other sane. But Leigh and Jesy filled the space Perrie left and soon it felt like that was how it’d always been. “The radio tour, the messing around in black magic.”

Perrie shrugs. “Made her smile.”

Jade nods. “So how did that lead to...” She trails off. She doesn’t actually know what happened next. Some snogging? More?

“I was in her bunk watching movies. It was late and she couldn’t sleep.”

“On the tour bus?” How did she not hear that? She was the light sleeper of the four.

Perrie nods. “It was just a little kiss. Some cuddling. We fell asleep.”

“But that wasn’t it this time.”

“A couple days later it happened again. You and Leigh went shopping. Just some errands to finally get off the bus. She was laughing. Like for real and it’d been so long and she looked so pretty and so I just leaned over and did it.” Perrie laughs. “God, I never realized I started all this.” She shakes her head. “Um, anyway we- it was a proper snog. And then after that, we just took the opportunities as they came.”

“But yous only kissed.”

“There was some groping. Have you seen her?” Perrie jokes. Jade grabs her boobs and lifts what she has with a smirk making Perrie laugh harder.

As they quiet down, Perrie admits, “We didn’t do anything else until after she and Jake split.”

“More snogging?”

Perrie purses her lips as images of Jesy in just panties flash through her head. “A lil more.”

Jade’s eyebrows arch. “What’s a lil more than snogging?”

Perrie blushes. “Um, some... touching.” She doesn’t know why she can’t say it. She’s said so many ruder things to Jade.

“Lil frisky were you?” Jade wiggles her eyebrows to break the tension.

Perrie gives her a gentle push. “Oh shut up. Like you weren’t hard up too.”

“Ey, I wasn’t getting any though.” Jade smirks, “But yous finally got some satisfaction it seems.”

Perrie shoves her face into her pillow. God, this was so embarrassing.

“Should I give it a try? Jesy looks like she’d be good at-“

“Jade!”

“Fine, fine.” She holds her hands up in surrender. Perrie shakes her head exasperated. “So what happened?”

Perrie shrugs. “Met Alex.”

“And that was it? You just dropped her?”

“It wasn’t like that. She encouraged me to go out with him.”

“Does he know?”

“Yeah, felt like I had to you know? We were about to leave for America and it wasn’t just a few kisses anymore.”

“What’d he say?”

“I thought he’d be jealous or worried or something. I mean months on the road, in another country with a girl I’ve got a past with, a very recent past. And we’re all so touchy. But he said he trusted me. That I shouldn’t change my relationship with her cause of him.”

“Wow. You really found a goodun, huh?

Perrie smiles, “I really did.” Then she blushes. “He actually, we all um-“

“Did yous have a threesome?” Jade asks incredulous. “And here I was getting nothing.”

“No, no, no. We never- we just- nothing happened in America. I really liked him. And Jesy started up with Chris.” Jade rolls her eyes. “But when we came back for tour, he came to that concert, his first.” She wishes she had some tea and biscuits. This is more than she ever imagined. “And he saw us up on stage and later that night, he started asking questions. I thought he was finally jealous but he wanted to know if- if we could arrange something with her.” Perrie stops. “God that makes her sound like a hooker.”

“What kind of something? If yous didn't have a go altogether.”

“Jesy wasn’t- she wasn’t comfortable with it. She felt like it would come back to bite us in the ass if she did it with my boyfriend. She was probably right.”

“So instead...”

“He watched.”

“He watched,” Jade repeats in shock. “He watched you two snog? And Jesy was okay with that?”

“We did a little more than snog.”

“More than...touching?” Jade grimaces as she uses Perrie’s very modest description from earlier.

“We didn’t, there wasn’t any-“ Perrie waves a hand around her mouth. “But we may have gotten a little creative and a bit carried away.” Jade mouthes creative then carried away back at her. Ignoring her Perrie pushed on, “Anyway, that was it. Just that one last time with Alex.”

“And he was still fine with how close yous two are?”

Perrie nods. She never understood it either but his trust in her was one of the reasons she loved him. “I think he knew that there was no way my relationship with Jesy could change. I mean look at what we do, how close we all are, how important that is to our success. We could never be the same if I pulled away from Jesy like that. We’d fall apart.”

Jade purses her lips. She’s right. It only worked if they were all in it together. “And you never caught feelings? Either of you? First girl you ever liked, ever kissed, touched” Jade says the last bit in a sultry teasing whisper. “Nothing?”

Perrie shrugs. “I mean there wasn’t nothing but we just never fell in love.”

“Just the lust then, ey?”

Perrie rolls her eyes playfully and then meets Jade’s eyes. There’s nothing playful or lighthearted in them. “It really is okay. This wont- it’s never hurt us.”

Jade bites the inside of her cheek. That was her initial concern when Perrie blurted out that she’d kissed Jesy before. That this would ruin the band. But she was right. It’s been a year since it all stopped and she’d never even noticed. But it was also dumb luck that they never fell in love, that they both jumped from relationship to relationship. “What if yous break up? And you’re both single, then what?”

Perrie knows Jade wants to hear that she won’t let anything happen again. That it’s in the past. But the truth is that she enjoyed her time with Jesy. She likes how it feels to be with her and god forbid she and Alex ever split she doesn’t want to agree to never explore it again. “I don’t know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade and Jesy have their turn at a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhere along the way, this went from Pesy to Jadesy. Hope you enjoy it anyway!

A couple weeks later I catch Jesy checking out Perrie in rehearsal. I wonder if she knows that I know. Perrie and I never discussed telling her. 

I walk over to her. “Enjoying the view?” Jesy looks over at me with a laugh. She doesn’t look caught off guard or guilty. 

“Just a bit.” She admits with a wry grin. 

I wonder if I’ve tipped my hand and Jesy just doesn’t care I know or if this is a completely normal conversation I wouldn’t have thought twice about earlier this month. 

“Perrie told me.” I don’t know where it came from. I never meant to tell her like that especially in the middle of rehearsal on a 10 minute break. I brace internally but Jesy just looks at me a moment and then says, “I know.” 

There’s a moment of silence. “Are we okay?” 

I look at her solemn face and green eyes and nod. “We’re always okay. But I want to talk if we can.”

Jesy purses her lips as she nods. She has every right to tell me to sod off, that her sexuality isn’t my business and neither is her sex life. But she doesn’t. 

“After rehearsal, your place?” I give her a questioning look. “Yous live closer.” 

I nod, “Okay, my place.” 

________

We wait til Leigh and Perrie’s cars show up to take them home before ordering one for us. If we’d told them what we were up to, they’d want to join a girly night in. We haven’t had one in ages. 

I thought it would be awkward but Jesy tells stories and really awful jokes the whole way and I’m dying of laughter by the time we pull up to my building. She’s still in the middle of a story about Dilem as I lead her into my apartment. She wastes no time kicking her shoes off and hanging up her jacket. She heads to the kitchen as I turn on all the lights and put the kettle on. I take a moment to appreciate her. She could have made this so weird and awful or downright refused but instead she’s already made this one of the best afternoons I’ve had in a while. We really should have a girly night in all together soon. It’s been too long. 

She swings around to look at me as she goes for the cups and catches me staring. She winks at me and then carries on. And I see what Perrie meant. How easy it would be to get sucked up into Jesy.

“Done.” Jesy announces. She looks quite pleased with herself. We’re just waiting for the kettle now. She comes round and takes my hand as she drags me over to my couch where she proceeds to stick her cold toes under my leg. 

“Jesminda!” I pull a blanket over us.

“Sorry 'bout it.” I laugh under my breath. It’s been years since any of us have said that.

Then Jesy gets serious. “What do you want to know?” 

I don’t know where to start. With Perrie, I just had to let her talk. “Do you love her?”

Jesy laughs. “Course I do.”

“Not like you love me. Do you love her like you love Harry?” Jesy shakes her head. “Did you ever?”

“No.” Jesy quirks her head to the side. “Does it worry you?”

“A bit.” They’ve always been the business-minded ones. Thinking about the right time to release singles and what could they capitalize on for a big release. “This could have ruined us.” She never said it so bluntly to Perrie. 

“I know.” I gape at her a bit. “Pez and I were careful.” 

“I don’t mean sneaking around or-“

Jesy interrupts, “We made sure we were always on the same page. Every step we took, every new relationship. We were careful.” 

“What? Were there rules?”

“No. But we love you and Leigh and we love Little Mix. More than anything.”

“Then why would you...” That was the bit she couldn’t get over. That they’d done this for a bit of sex. Not even sex. 

“Perrie made me happy.” Jade flashes back to Perrie’s story. How x-factor and tour was about making Jesy smile. Keeping her demons at bay for a bit. “There was no pressure with her. I didn’t have to worry about my makeup or hair or if I was too moody or if I gained weight. Pez didn’t care.” 

“None of us care.” 

“I know, babe.” Jesy squeezes her hand. “But yous wasn’t looking to snog me either.” 

It clicks a bit then. That it was different because Perrie was attracted to her. She wanted to kiss and grope and touch. “And x-factor?”

Jesy chuckles. “I could tell Pez had a crush right away. I thought maybe she just hadn’t come out yet and wasn’t sure how. So I spoke with her bout it. Scared her I think.” 

“She said you told her about your first time. I didn’t know you were into both.” 

Jesy shrugs. “I hooked up with a few girls before Jordan. But then things changed for us and he was my first love. I don’t think I ever thought about what it meant. Everyone experiments, right?”

“But then Pez.”

“Yeah, she caught me off guard with that kiss. I didn’t know she felt that strongly. But it passed.” 

“Why after Jake? Things were better. I thought they were better. I mean I know that you still struggled with your body image but things were better, weren’t they?” Jade feels the weight bare down on her at the thought that she’d let Jesy’s facade trick her.

Jesy takes both her hands this time. “So much better, I promise. You didn’t miss any signs.” She sighs. “I just wanted to know what it was like. 2016 was very different from 2011 and it was so much more complicated than gay or straight. I just wanted to explore a bit.” 

“With Pez?”

Jesy shrugs. “Pez is gorgeous and we had a history and we were spending all our time together anyway. The two single girls.” 

“I guess.” 

“What bothers you more? That it was Pez or that I didn’t tell you?”

Jade shrugs. “Both. We tell each other everything.” She meets Jesy’s eyes. “You never even told me after. It’s been over a year.” 

Jesy doesn’t say anything for too long. “I didn’t tell you because I thought it could happen again. That if Pez and I ended up single, we might start it back up and we never would if yous knew.” 

“Am I that much of a cockblock?”

Jesy laughs. “I wouldn’t want to worry you. And this would. It worries you now and it’s not even happening. Pez and I are both in happy relationships.” 

Jade sighs. “You were checking her out today.” 

“Yeah, I’m not blind, babe. I don’t stop being attracted to her just cause I got myself a guy.” 

“Right.” Jade twists her fingers. She straightens up with renewed energy. “I have a question. Ready?” Jesy nods. “Have you ever thought about any of us that way? You know, not just Pez.” All her energy deflates now that it’s out there. She doesn’t even know why she asked.

Jesy’s face scrunches up. “I’m not sexualizing-“ 

“I don’t mean it like that.” 

“I don’t understand then.” 

“Okay, time for me to come clean.” Jade mutters. “I sort of- once upon a time had a wee crush.” 

“On Pez?” Jade gives her a hard look. “Oh.” 

“I never thought about all the stuff that comes with it. The physical stuff. But I had it.” 

“When?”

“Salute?” 

Jesy laughs at her questioning tone. “Are you sure?”

Jade whacks her arm. “Ha ha.” 

“I didn’t know.” 

“And if you did?” 

Jesy shrugs. “I think getting involved with 2 of 3 of my best mates wouldn’t be the best idea.”

“You wouldn’t have been. Back then it was just a kiss at x-factor, right?” 

“What do you want to know Jade?” 

“If you’ve ever noticed me that way.” 

Jesy flashes through their friendship over the years. “No.” 

Jade exhales, “Right.”

“Why do I feel like that was the wrong answer?” Jade shrugs. “Did you want me to say yes?” 

“I wanted you to be honest and you were.” 

Jesy takes a moment to watch her. Clearly, she’s embarrassed. Probably feeling rejected. “How about this? Next time we’re single, we’ll give a kiss a try.” 

Jade’s eyes grow to the size of golf balls. “I don’t think-“

“You’re curious. That’s okay.” 

“I don’t think being curious with my best friend who slept with our other best friend is okay.” 

“Okay, 1. I did not have sex with Pez. 2. I’m not saying we should do what Pez and I did. But if I’m the girl that’s got you curious, one kiss might give you an idea if it’s a real desire to go explore.”

“Yeah, or get me in a lot of trouble,” Jade grumbles. 

“You gonna fall in love from a kiss?” Jesy teases. 

“From what Pez says...” 

Jesy buries her face in her hands. “Oh god.” 

Jade laughs. She never thought she’d see Jesy bashful over sex. “And a threesome, wow.” 

Jesy’s head pops back up. “That’s an exaggeration.” 

“Mhmm,” Jade smirks. 

“Oh shut up!” Jesy throws a pillow at her. “Are we doing a movie night?” 

Jade nods, “Course we are.”   
____

It’s Jesy that becomes single first. Finally realized things with Harry weren’t going anywhere and broke it off. Jade has a brief flashback to their conversation but then looks at Jed who's finally back in town for a couple of weeks and shrugs it off. She’s in love. 

Then things start to fall apart as they start promoting LM5 and dropping singles. Jed is never around (neither is she to be fair) and it’s getting harder to pretend that’s okay. They stick it out though. The breakup doesn’t come until a few months before the LM5 tour. 

She’s the only single one now. All the girls happily paired off. She lingers on Jesy though. She looks really happy, ready to settle down even. The thought makes her a little sad. That she’ll probably never get that kiss. She still thinks it would be a bad idea but there’s a part of her that wants to try it anyway. She knows that it doesn’t have to be Jesy. If she wanted, she could go out tonight and give it a try but Pez was right. There hasn’t been another girl that’s ever caught her eye. It’s why she never did it. She dismissed it as a passing thought. But Pez had a passing thought and she got years of messing around for it. 

Either way, Jesy wasn’t an option so Jade pushed it back down. She can’t say she didn’t get a thrill from the new no more sad songs choreography though. She felt a little special it was her this time and not Pez but it didn’t feel the way romance novels would have you think. It felt like what it was, a grind between close friends on stage, having fun. But the winks Jesy threw her every once in a while made her blush. She knows Jesy is just teasing and that she never told Leigh or Perrie about their talk, which she greatly appreciates, but the girl sure knew how to keep a flame alive. No wonder Perrie wanted to keep the possibility on the table.


End file.
